10 Reasons Why I Hate The New Karate Kid

The new movie marks a new Karate Kid for a new generation. This saddens me as the movie holds a special place in my heart and will prevent me from ever doing the following things again.

10. No more screaming “Put em in a body bag Johnny – YEAH”

9. No more Wax on, Wack off jokes

8. No more telling chicks I was in the Cobra Khan in hopes of getting laid

7. No more checking into hotels as Daniel Larusso

6. No more sweeping the leg on blind dates

5. No calling the Chinese restaurant waiter Mr. Miyagi

4. No more surprise Swan Kicks to the nuts

3. No more wanting to visit Okinawa to break ice in a bar

2. No more shower curtain Halloween costumes

1. This one is for Hollywood – NO MORE CASTING JACKIE CHAN IN MOVIES! – Please tell me why you would ruin a new generation of kids by introducing them to this guy. And thanks again for ruining this movie for me and my childhood assholes. (in a sarcastic tone as you are probably too stupid to realize I was kidding)

PS – Deciding to make Daniel Son younger ruins the scene when Mr. Miyagi comes to the rescue against Johnny & the other surfers. I say this mostly because watching Jackie Chan beat the crap out of a bunch of 8-year-olds is a laughable – you dumb dicks


2 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why I Hate The New Karate Kid

  1. I did not see the new Karate Kid movie.

    That would have destroyed all nostalgia from the original film.

    Ignore these remakes like the plague. Do not allow your eyes to witness these travesties.

    Ralph Macchio was probably pissed.

  2. Plus a black karate kid is lame! I love the original karate kid and I can watch it again and again but this new movie is so lame i didnt even watch 30 minutes

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