Why Momma Should’ve Thrown Me From The Train

The following conversation took place during what was meant to be a special meal for my mother.

Mom: How the D Bag Journal coming along?

Me: Good – the site traffic almost doubled in the past month

Mom: That’s great to hear – all of my friends really love it

Me: Really – I didn’t know you told them about it

Mom: I was kidding genius – can you see me bragging to my friends about how my son is trying to become the #1 D on the internet (my mom refused to say the word douche so says D instead).

Me: I figured you were lying when you started the story off by talking about your “friends”.

Now you may ask why she was jabbing me at a Mother’s Day dinner in her honor. The answer is that as her gift, I bought her a pleather vest from the $5.00 rack at Wal-Mart. I gave her the gift earlier in the day and as she never wants to not like any gift her son gives her, she pretended to like it. “Really” I said, “I wasn’t sure if it was something you would wear but it would mean a lot to me if you would wear it to dinner tonight”. Her face slowly went to the “oh shit” zone and she told me would. I then started laughing and told her I bought it as joke then tried to explain to her why it was funny. She shook her head and walked from me.

So Mom – if you are reading this stupid blog, I love you and hope none of your stupid friends ever visit the site.


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