RIP American Idol – Why AI Needs To Be Cancelled

Lee Dewyze– I buy weed from kids like Lee not albums

I should have known we were in trouble when I saw the “Pants On The Ground” thing – I let it go as preseason filler.
Warning sign #2 was the appearance of Joe Jonas as a judge of talent – also let that go so shame on me.
Hollywood week came and went and the top 24 were selected and the shit show downward spiral began.

Now I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve watched American Idol since the beginning. That’s why it pains me to say cancel the show. I’ve sat through some great seasons and enjoyed the show’s successful rating climb. For some strange reason, I’ve convinced myself that the show is about music and discovering musicians. As a huge fan of most types of music (I hate country), I’ve enjoyed hearing new a flock of talented singers karaoke-the-shit out of the classics. I’ve also enjoyed watching Simon act like a dick and be a douche bag to people who deserved it. It was fun and I knew deep down it would not last.

This season, I have moved from fan to unimpressed to annoyed to enemy.

I watched the show tonight and had the stinging realization that I am too old to be watching this bull shit. While I am glad that the show is probably killing it with 10-14 year-old girls who like the looks of these teen douches, I am worried (and hopeful) that this may be the 2nd to last year for the Idol franchise.

What I’ve struggled most with this season: The Judges

Ellen is simply not working out – it was one thing when Paula Abdul made pointless comments as I always secretly wondered about what prescription medicine she was high on at the time. She also was a nice punching bag for Simon. To me, every word uttered by Ellen is forced. Forcing jokes, finding awkward ways to show her industry and music knowledge and forcing to cover up that old neck of hers – please someone get her a scarf or turtleneck ASAP.

Kara – I want to punch in the face – end of story

Randy – My man is trying to keep this thing going as long as he can as he knows that AI is the end of the road for him – not a lot of need for has been guitarists who judge karaoke. Unless Hollywood Squares makes a comeback, Randy is effed and will be back working at The Guitar Center in 3 months.

Simon – Seems like he has given up as his heart and “hatred” (even though it was staged) is just not there. From one douche to another, we miss you – please come back and start smacking these punk kids around. This is personally sad as I feel like he has so much material from the motley bunch they have this season.

My leading suspects for who killed AI:

Tim Urban – I loved when Simon said “He’s smiling because he knows that no matter what we say about how bad he is, he’ll be coming back next week”. Let’s face it – this guy is gonna get some serious VD’s as a result of the show and let’s ask ourselves why no one is talking about that – just saying

Aaron Kelly
Seriously – this is the kid who should be singing only at family functions – I’ve run out “You wanna know how I know Aaron’s gay” jokes and pray for the Aaron Kelly/Justin Bieber World Tour to cancelled.

I’m spilling a bit of my 40 in memorial of AI and playing some BB


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