7 V-Day Gifts Only A Douche Would Give

I hope there is a 17' double donger inside

#7 Sex Toys – Earth to psycho, come in Psycho. Not only does she not want a 13′ double donger for V Day, she does not want that ever. Stop watching so much internet porn and break up with her – she’ll appreciate it in the long run.

#6 – Flowers – It’s like giving her a bouquet of air as its counts for nothing. She’ll think you bought them on the way home (which you prob did) and you actually lose points for being an unoriginal douche.

#5 – Chocolate – Like Flowers but worse as it leads to the “weight” conversation and you have to hear her ramble on about how she really doesn’t need to be eating all this chocolate as she stuffs her fat face.

#4 Poems – You are not a poet, you are douche – put the pen down Shakespeare and slowly walk away.

#3 Jewelry – Unless she picked this shit out, stay away as you have no taste and will only embarrass yourself. Mine has a “special” drawer for all my bad jewelry gifts called the Land of Misfit Toys.

#2 Lingerie – This only works if its a second gift as we all know its really a gift for the guy. It’s like a woman buying her man a girdle, yeah it will make your fat gut look good but its uncomfortable as hell. I also think Lingerie is for

#1 An Engagement Ring – This is the douche bag + cheese ball gift of choice. If you are that douche, please plug your computer into the wall using the power cord and jump into a water-filled bathtub.

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