You are a douche and are slowly cementing your place in the Douche Bag Hall Of Fame. When I read what you said in Playboy, I wondered if you were trying to turn over a new celibate leaf as I can’t imagine what kind of whore would bang you now. I also can’t wait to see you in US magazine with a picture of you and the night manager from Perkins who f’ed Tiger.
As a dude, I respect a guy who can get a piece of ass. RESPECT – Plain & Simple. But when that piece of ass has already been tapped by several other guys, the respect measurably drops. As a dude, I always take great joy in asking a another dude who had my sloppy seconds “How’d my dick taste?” The main reason I do this is Sloppy Seconds stopped being cool after 8th grade. I’m guessing John Mayer did not get that memo.
Let’s play a little game: Think of a hot celebrity, now think who she is banging, now imagine her being dumped, now imagine who she will end up banging – John Mayer. I think this douche may actually get off on the idea of banging a girl that Brad Pitt or Derek Jeter banged.
Now I know having a goofy personality, uncool tattoos (I guarantee there is a smurf tattoo somewhere on his arm) and low self-esteem make it tough to get laid. If he keeps up this naughty lifestyle, he may end up in a bad place. I’m no Grim Reaper but would like to suggest a few epitaphs
John Mayer RIP
The Charles Barkley Of Sloppy Seconds – nobody liked a good a rebound fuck like Johnny
Marlboro Man of Pussy – 2nd hand smoke kills & 2nd Hand Pussy Stinks