John Mayer – King Of Sloppy Seconds

Dear John,

You are a douche and are slowly cementing your place in the Douche Bag Hall Of Fame. When I read what you said in Playboy, I wondered if you were trying to turn over a new celibate leaf as I can’t imagine what kind of whore would bang you now. I also can’t wait to see you in US magazine with a picture of you and the night manager from Perkins who f’ed Tiger.

As a dude, I respect a guy who can get a piece of ass. RESPECT – Plain & Simple. But when that piece of ass has already been tapped by several other guys, the respect measurably drops. As a dude, I always take great joy in asking a another dude who had my sloppy seconds “How’d my dick taste?” The main reason I do this is Sloppy Seconds stopped being cool after 8th grade. I’m guessing John Mayer did not get that memo.

Let’s play a little game: Think of a hot celebrity, now think who she is banging, now imagine her being dumped, now imagine who she will end up banging – John Mayer. I think this douche may actually get off on the idea of banging a girl that Brad Pitt or Derek Jeter banged.

Now I know having a goofy personality, uncool tattoos (I guarantee there is a smurf tattoo somewhere on his arm) and low self-esteem make it tough to get laid. If he keeps up this naughty lifestyle, he may end up in a bad place. I’m no Grim Reaper but would like to suggest a few epitaphs

John Mayer RIP

The Charles Barkley Of Sloppy Seconds – nobody liked a good a rebound fuck like Johnny

Marlboro Man of Pussy – 2nd hand smoke kills & 2nd Hand Pussy Stinks


2 thoughts on “John Mayer – King Of Sloppy Seconds

  1. You seem to miss out on the real meaning of sloppy seconds to make some sort of douche point, yourself.

    You want inexperienced virgins? Is that that kind of ass whose tapping you really respect? Is that girls as experienced as you are (or dream of being) are worth less?

    It’s a lame sexual double standard, and rather needless in this environment.

    You want to call Mayer a douche for preying on the heartbroken, fine. But for hooking up with women who have had sex before? That’s just lame. That’s sophomoric at best.

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