Why The Jersey Shore Makes Me Want My MTV

Dear MTV,

In the spirit of a new year and starting over, I wanted to send short note to say I am sorry for leaving you. We’ve been through some rough times and I’ve said some awful things about you over the years. You don’t play a ton of music videos anymore and while it took me awhile I’m now ok with that. I can still remember the day we met back on August 1, 1981. At the time, I had no pubes (but did spring wood when I first saw Nina Blackwood ). I entered puberty when you were hitting your stride and to be able to see Madonna being a slut was pure heaven.

Through high school, you were always there to help me find good songs to get high to. I probably even effed a few girls with you on as background noise. From Jenny McCarthy on Remote Control to the Ho’s dancing on The Grind, you were a good friend and always provided a healthy mix of stress-free escapism & eye boners.

I know we had a falling out but you were pretty annoying and conceited. Shows like TRL & people like Carson Daly made me not want my MTV. Suddenly the Real World was “enough already” and giving people like Rob & Big & 36Mafia shows made feel bad for you. It was like you had sold out and run out of fresh ideas. Then you brought a little skank named Snooki into my life. The kind of girl who makes me finally understand the meaning of the expression “young, dumb & full of cum”. The kind of girl who is too much work for you to hook up with because you would have to drink at least 30 beers before taking here home.

Snooki made me want to watch you (on TIVO) and then the reruns and mini marathons. I started to get into the Hills again because douche bags like Spencer’s friend Charlie made me feel good about myself. The show Teen Mom made me feel ok about getting teenage girls pregnant and True Life is always good for a “show to watch when you are high”.

What’s I’m trying to say baby is that I missed you and I’m glad to be back. I have my Dire Strait’s concert tee on and doing my best Sting impersonation for you baby – I Want My MTV

Love,
Me

PS – If that dumb bitch VH1 calls, tell her I am over her and her Frank The Entertainer bull shit.

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