So flash back 1 week ago – it was the Monday before a holiday which meant you would be “working” a max of 3 days this week. The result is a 4-6 day bender where you:
Overeat – I know what I put in my mouth over the past 5 days and its not pretty – there were appetizers, sweets, drinks, egg nog, beer, liquor, beer liquor and now I feel so much sicker. I had lamb, ham, no spam – I ate early, I ate late, I must’ve put on an undisclosed amount of weight.
Spend Quality Time With The Relatives – We all love them deep down but in a “I see you once-a-year and that’s too much” type of way. Maybe its your aunt who gives out “fun” inappropriate gifts or your creepy uncle (who’s really not even related) or a parent who is so stressed they make you stressed. We all have them and we all love/hate them.
Stress – There was stress about shopping for gifts, stress with the traffic, stress with the weather, stress with the amount of food we had, the time we had to spend at each place, the family that we “HAD” to see, the friends who live out of town and were back for only X hours, the drinks – amount we consumed, time of day we consumed them, mixing beer & liquor in front of family. Then the presents, when to open them, would they like them, would she like them, were they wrapped, were there gift receipts, did they have that already.
Travel – whether it was in the car, train, bus, airplane, airport, subway – you spent more time doing this task the past week and it probably sucked. There were people with B.O who you sat next too, rude flight attendants, slow people going through security because they fly once a year and you wanted to punch them in the face for asking if they needed to take their belt off before going through security.
Sleep – With all of the eating, traveling and stressing you did, there was also probably a sleep issue – was there enough, was there not enough – either way it was an issue.
Now come back to reality and you are sitting at work. Maybe hiding out as its better than being at home. Its the Monday after a bloated, stressful, sleepless series of nights where your flight was delayed yet you still made it to work and why – because like me, you are a dedicated dumb douche who lives to work rather than works to live.
This is the only time of year it happens and next week after New Year’s will be bad but nothing causes stress like being home for the holidays.
My point: You and I should both be home drinking, sleeping, eating and farting and we both know it. Happy Holidays You Douche