Poke Your Tweet Out

As the human race evolves into a technology dependant group of narcissistic D Bags their awareness of the world becomes more and more diminished. Even the language they use has been replaced by strings of consonants no longer than 3 characters typed into handheld computer consoles made so small that only a human embryo should operate it.

The worst of it is that its not children were talking about but grown educated (questionably) business men and women who feel this overwhelming need to be plugged in. If asked they will tell you it’s due to a faster paced work environment or that it makes them more efficient. Could this be true, does our job expect us to be jacked in at all times? Would the world fall to pieces if suddenly all satellites dropped from their orbit? If a person tweets and no one’s around to read it do they still exist? Why don’t we look at the facts.

First the demographics of the online social communities:

Twitter

A recent study shows that the largest group of twitterers, tweeters …. oh hell, what do you call a twitter user… how about a Twat. Anyway the largest percentage of Twats fall between the ages of 18 – 34 at 47% followed closely by ages 35 – 49 at 31% and 50+ at 21%. This means that only 1% of these Twats are below the age of 18.

This same report shows that among this group only 1 out of 8 Twats have kids in their home. Making 90% of them single, negligent parents, or with grown children.

Well, all these Twats must be out of work, you might tell yourself. Nope. The highest percentages of users fall between the 30k – 60k and 100k+ income brackets. In fact 30% make over a six figure salary.

Facebook

InsideFacebook releases frequent studies on the demographics of the Facebook community. Their most recent study showed over 56m US users with more than 150 world wide utilizing this social platform. You may say “Most definitely kids.” Wrong. The largest group has, in its recent history, been between the ages of 18 and 26 but in the past year the gap between age groups is closing fast. The largest growth was shown in the 45-65 age group. Here is a quick overview of the approximate numbers,

Under 18:  6.05m       11%
18-26:       19.46m       35%
25-34:       13.42m       23%
35-44:         9.70m       17%
45-54:         4.58m          8%
55-65:         2.85m          5%

If you take into account that the working class is between the ages of 22 and 65 then you’re looking at well over 60% of users holding down jobs. Also, the number of older users is increasing much faster and will most likely level out or surpass the younger generation in the next year. Over a 6 months period the number of users between 25-34 increased by approx 5.5m while users 35-54 increased at the same rate as users 18-24 with approx 4m each.

So when are these busy working folks doing all this tweeting, poking, nudging and IMing? Early before work starts? Shortly after the work day closes and they settle down for a late night Internet Twat session? None of the above.

The usage reports on both social platforms shows the highest usage (usually causing both platforms to shut down intermediately) between the hours of 9am and 5pm. This is also known to those with a strong work ethic (and very few technological socializing apparatuses) as the work day.

So, YOU, with the headphones shoved up your ass reading this blog post off the blackberry glued to your forehead, WAKE THE F UP. The economy is in turmoil and you haven’t gotten laid in months. Stop telling everyone your self righteous ass is working and forget about updating that pathetic blog, no one cares what you have to say about things you’ve never experienced.

Tell hotsexyslut239 (who may or may not be a 65 year old pervert in Belize) that the relationship is over and start to become the hot shit you pretend to be. In other words, stop tweeting, poking, nudging, and IMing everyone about how the world should or shouldn’t function and do something about it.

Note:  This is the DBag Journal and not the Institute of Incredibly accurate facts and figures. The above figures are true but may be off by a percent or two. Also, if you like this article, come check me out at www.facebook.com/whatwereyoujusttold or follow me on Twitter @YouFingTwat. Now for some one on one bathroom time with my Kindle.