Happy Holidays from Corky Thatcher & 2 Cross Eyed Twins

October Boner of The Month

Congrats to the Chargers Cheerleaders

The Kardashian’s: A History of Jock Sniffers

Workaholics & The Golden Age of Television

Have you ever had been super stoned, hungry and stumbled upon a a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos? That’s how I felt when I discovered Workaholics. Since I may have been medicated during my first viewing, I flipped around the channels to ensure that my judgement was not impaired. In this Golden Age of Television, competition for eyeballs is fierce but I can safely say that Workaholics is:

Better than Ted Danson on CSI
Better than Ashton Kutcher on 2 and 1/2 Men
Better than LL Cool J on NCIS
Better than Paula Abdul on The X Factor
Better than Chaz Bono on Dancing With The Stars
Better than Ice T on Law & Order
Better than That Asshole on Bones

Now I know it sounds like I’m smoking the Nar Nar again but it’s true and has to be said.

Workaholics is easily the funniest show on Television #boom

Need Proof

& My Personal favorite

Final Douche Thought – When the writers are seamlessly slipping in Gladwell zingers alongside pre-cum jokes, you best watch out.

Breaking Guy Code: The 12 O’Clock Tuck

Many a morning I wake up with a boner and am forced to decide what to do with it. Options include:

A. Disarm it (wax on wax off)

B. Ignore it

C. Just Tuck it

In a recent poll of my friends, not a single female was familiar with the 12 O’Clock Tuck. While I will spare you the gruesome details, I’ve included an image above to help you figure it out. Please enjoy

How I Spent My President’s Day

While I’m still unsure as to what we’re celebrating on President’s Day, I took the opportunity to celebrate the holiday in a manner that was befitting a President: drinking beer with my stupid roommate. We met his girlfriend and one of her slutty friends at a dive bar that was walking distance from our place.

Here’s how the night went:

Beers 1-3
My roommate keeps telling me that his girlfriend’s friend is interested in me and is normally “good to go”. This mean’s she was 4’11″, top-heavy, athletic and as most importantly Horny.

Beers 3-6
Girlfriend’s friend and I have isolated from the group and start the semi-drunk inappropriate questioning portion of my pick-up game.

Beer 7 – Me: Do you want to get out of here? Her: Yes – we can go to my place

The walk to her home was about 12 minutes long and I thought hiding my boner was going to be my only obstacle. About 2 minutes into the walk, my stomach started gurgling. As we were outside and the city noise was loud enough, I decided to gamble and let one go. One quickly turned to four and hot farts had consumed me. We reached her house and I had hoped that my flatulent past was behind me (get it? farts behind).

Once inside, I gots busy immediately.

Things were going fine and not to overshare but it was during a thrust that I heard a squeaker. This was followed by a shooting gas pain that resulted in me making a noise that should never be made during intercourse. She didn’t acknowledge it and I certainly didn’t so I kept going. At this point, my stomach was ready to drop and it was a race to finish line. In my head, I concocted a plan of finishing quickly and dashing to the bathroom (all done without being a weirdo).

In between horrid gas pains and athletic sex, I finally finished and told her that I would get some Kleenex as a gentleman who just farted 29 times during sex does. I scooped up my clothes in the dark, ran to the bathroom and turned on every source of water in there to create some background noise. What happens next can best be described as two bottles of YooHoo being dumped in the toilet.

After that, I get dressed and come out of the bathroom thinking that I may actually have pulled this off. Out of nowhere, a woman who I can only guess is her roommate randomly appears and asks “Did you just take a shower in my bathroom?” (with a puzzled/pissed look on her face) I laugh uncomfortably and say no then blow by her towards the front door. I look back and saw her walk into the bathroom and can only imagine what it smelled like — a cloud of hot farts.

I make it back to my house, stumble into bed and awake to my roommate standing over me saying: Dude – did you pull A Shit & Run last night?

My response in my best Tricky Dick Nixon impression: I am not a crook

Names & places have been changed to protect the innocent & embarrassed.

Top 10 Things Overheard While Watching Beyond Scared Straight

The following is a recap of the 10 best quotes heard at my house during the premier episode of Beyond Scared Straight – BTW, I love this show

#10 – I bet you they would be scared straight if they saw Diabla’s cock
#9 – I thought this was Beyond Scared STRAIGHT
#8 – This is why I am not having kids
#7 – You know that Pretty Boy walks around the prison saying “Suck my Dick” while grabbing her crotch
#6 – I can smell your feet (said in a Silence of the Lambs voice with points for originality)
#5 – The women in jail pornos I’ve watched were nothing like this
#4 – You know the warden at this place wants to kill himself
#3 – What the hell are we watching
#2 – No (long pause) I don’t have a boner its probably morning wood
#1 – I bet Green Eye’s vagina smells like the dumpster at Red Lobster

5 Surprising Life Lessons From Watching Internet Porn

#5 – Pizza delivery guys get laid – Big Time (don’t believe me then google “Pizza Delivery Guy”

#4 – The best time to visit your friends house is when their mom is home alone.

#3 – Professors can get a lot of sex from college students by simply writing a large “F” on their paper in red ink

#2 – Chicks like guys holding video cameras and don’t care if you tape them.

#1 – If you are a total scum and drive around in a creepy van called the Bang Bus, you can find women who will sleep with you

As an aside, please google “Pizza Delivery Guy” and click on images – it’s insane

Remember To Watch What You Eat Over The Holidays